Today is my Double Nickle birthday... 55... I'm sure I am preaching to the choir when I say I don't know how I got this far so quickly. Sure wish it would slow down...
Regarding birthdays and age, the only joy I get from the inexorable march to Simulation End is that Darren is 7 1/2 weeks older than I am. For a short amount of time, I get to blast him with every old man joke I can think of and repeat every year. It was all going so well until Aiden came along. Darren retorted "at least I'm not a grandpa!". That hurt... and I was stymied. Until I got over 50 and embraced my new position and deflected his attacks. Someday, he'll understand how cool it is. Being a "gamp-pa" is just about the best thing there is and I truly love those little peanuts...
But I digress...
Darren and I have spent numerous birthdays together. He was at my 7th Bday where I cried after my parents pulled the "relighting candles" trick. We had a kind of joint Bday when I turned 21 and my parents got me a Dolly Parton impersonator (I didn't cry at that one...). When we turned 30 D and I and my sister Pam and her husband made Greg buy us dinner at a fancy seafood place, and we never returned the favor, and at my 50th roast Darren got absolutely tanked on Jamisons without any food and then we sang a surprise song... that totally killed, BTW.
But the story we're looking for was in the middle of all that...
On the night of my 25th birthday back in 1990, I had a softball game. I was an addition to a work team put together by Brian Collins. We were pretty good, and we had a lot of fun.
So after this game, Vince Viverito (who you all met earlier, one of my best friends in High School and now brother-in-law to Brian) who was on the team, and a few other guys headed from the field at Dirksen Park (behind where the Dominick was, but back then was still Town Square) across Roselle Rd. to Easy Street.... scene of many thousands of ugly drunk moments, I'm sure. Darren essentially walked out his back door and met us.
They start in on me. Shot. Shot. Shot. And I'm playing along. Boom...done. Boom...done. Its starting to get ugly. All sorts of variety of nasty alcoholic concoctions while they all watch and laugh. At this point I'm way into my usual happy, silly, loud drunk where I'm just spouting off all sorts of things and amusing myself to no end. Its Darren's turn to buy. He leans over the bar and whispers to the bartender... and I'm sure I'm doomed. This going to be the MOST HORRIFIC SHOT EVER DEVISED!!! The Keep plops a shot glass down in front of me; it is clear. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS?!?! CLEAR??? IT MUST BE EVERCLEAR 100% BOOZE!!!
No WAY I'm going to trust him, so I tentatively dip a pinky in the drink and cautiously touch it to my tongue... "HEY!" I yell out.... "THIS IS JUST WATER!" Darren face palms in disbelief as I completely destroy his attempt to help. Of course this just gets everyone in attendance up in arms, both at my woosiness as well as D trying to let me skate by.
It didn't end well.
I remember running around in the Taco Bell parking lot some time later eating late-night tacos (yes, that taco bell has been there for over 30 years!)... I don't remember if I went to work the next day, but it probably wasn't pretty.
So thanks, you old guy, for trying to save me. Its what true friends do. I'm glad I've gotten to spend all these birthdays with you...
Darren and I being "surprised" at our joint Bday in 1986. Since it was thrown by my parents, it wasn't what you'd expect... sadly.
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